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Jackson's Heart
jacksonsheart
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June 2008
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Jessica [userpic]
From Jackson's Aunt Kaye

I am Jackson's Aunt Kaye - married to Matt, Sara's brother.  I wrote this while trying to cope the inevitable a day or two before Jackson passed.  This theme helped me to talk to my daughters about death.  I even talked to Molly about Jackson's special room made for him by Christ. 
 
June 18, 2007
In writing this I am drawn to the gospel of John, Chapter 14 verse 2 - "In my Father's house are many mansions, if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."
 
I believe that John was saying there are different places in heaven that Christ prepares for us and that offers me great comfort because in knowing Jackson and knowing Christ I know that the place he made for Jack is so wonderful and there are so many people there that we all have known or, in my case, heard of, there rocking him and singing to him and loving him. 
 
I feel very blessed having been able to spend time with Jack.  Some of that time was holding his finger or stroking his cheek or touching some part of his little body at times when holding him wasn't possible.  One of the single most greatest times of my life ever will always be the day I drove to Milwaukee and just rocked him and talked to him and sang to him.  When CH staff came into the room and I chatted with them Jackson made sure I knew he was unhappy by squirming and/or whimpering.  It was HIS time and he wasn't about to share it.  I remember thinking, "Way to go little man.  You are one tough cookie."  I had no idea at that time how prophetic that thought was.  I sang "You are My Sunshine" (not as good as Molly) and made up words about him and Molly playing together when they got older.  I also taught him the "Stinky Butt" song that his sister and cousins helped me make up one day. I believe he smiled though I have no witness.  I warned him of his Uncle Matt's "way."  I also sang my favorite lullaby that I learned after my daughter Sarah was born and he liked that one too.  I always change the words to songs...."I love my Jackson sweet and fair.  He looks like an Ourada with his Daddy's hair.  I love to rock him and hold him tight.  Can't wait until he comes home every night.  Sleep sweet Jackson....the angels keep you from harm - because your Father above cradles you in his love - safe and warm.  Sleep sweet Jackson - nestled in Auntie Kaye's arms - Sleep Sweet Jackson....Molly wants you to come home."  If you knew the tune it would make more sense.
 
In my Father's house there are many mansions.  I like to think that Jackson's mansion or room has one or more rocking chairs with Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles arguing over who gets to rock him next knowing that Grandma Bauknecht gets "dibs."  Rocky is sitting next to the chair smiling with his underbite wagging his tail.  Even my Grandma is going to get her turn and sing her "Poodie Pie" song to him and pat him on the butt at the end.  There is so much love there and no machines beeping and no needles or oxygen machines.  Little kids passing through giving him kisses. 
 
We are better for having known Jackson John Muhowski.  We are blessed knowing that Christ has gone ahead to prepare a mansion for him.